Relationship Problems-are You Being Smothered

Are you being smothered in your relationship?  Here are some clues that you may be in a relationship that is not good for you:

*Your partner degrades you in front of others far too often
*Your partner says they love you, but rarely do their actions show it
*Your partner tends to try to get you dependant on them
*Your partner is too obsessed about your business such as showing up unexpectedly at places you are at or reading your emails
*You find yourself changing just to please them, not because you want to

You may have gotten to the point of literally feeling sick around your partner, if they are the kind of person that smothered you in the relationship.  Some people, including you, may ask why anyone would want to be in a relationship that makes them feel as though they are smothered or maybe like they are being emotionally harmed and perhaps physically harmed.

Let’s think about the poisonous relationship cycle.  First, if you recall in your own relationship, there is a romantic period. After that there is a major argument of some sort causing a completely stressful event.  Then you reconcile with your partner.  Of course, after that the cycle begins again.

When you first get together with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you are in the beginning stages of a romantic and lustful relationship.  Once that partner has drawn you in, sometimes unbeknownst to them, you finally realize you are in a relationship that is suffocating you.  At that time it is hard to get out of it.

How does this happen?

Many people grow up in a home that has a suffocating relationship with their mom or dad. Many times this is why they end up in this kind of relationship themselves.  They sometimes have no idea they are even doing it.  Still others believe they do not deserve happiness and so they continue in a bad relationship, not even knowing they don’t have to do that.  In addition, there is a third group of people who feel they have to have someone who they perceive as needing them, and so they continue in a bad relationship due to that perception.

The first step in getting out and staying out of a suffocating relationship is to realize that you have choices.  Many times people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression.  Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most suffocating relationships, the partner doing the suffocating has subconsciously convinced you that it is your fault.  That makes it difficult to leave the relationship.

Some people are able to repair these relationships on their own and thus keep it alive. But how do they do it?  The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged, even these kinds.  Many times it takes a little space.  Other times, it may take counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to recreate the bonds so that they are healthier than before.

To begin with you need to make a point that the relationship must improve or you’re going to end it.  Be serious about that and don’t just say it.  If you aren’t willing to end it, you’ll never be able to correct what really separates you from your partner. 

Once you make a point to free yourself from what is causing a suffocating relationship, you can start to express what you need from the relationship.  Don’t nag the other person relentlessly.  Simply say things like, “I need your love,” “I need your support,” or “I need your opinion.”  Get your partner to realize you want them to participate in your thinking, and be there for you.

Once you learn the techniques for getting your relationship back you will be successful at getting it back.  The suffocating relationship will end and you will feel happier than you ever expected.